Entry 2,439 - Entry 2,478
Entry 2,439 - February 10, 2025
Before re-reading Nature of Personal Reality by Jane Roberts, I thought my pre-me self was in opposition to my current self. I believed we were at war over what we wanted to happen. I thought my past self was a maniac for trying to control things in a way that was opposite to how I wanted them.
BUT THEN, after reading the book, I realized it wasn’t my past self—it was the beliefs I had adopted from elsewhere that were the issue. All I had to do was bring those beliefs into my conscious mind, choose to change them to better beliefs, and then my outward reality would reflect those new beliefs.
It seems so simple, yet for the longest time, I struggled without knowing why.
Entry 2,440 - February 13, 2025
There was a period in my life when I misunderstood Seth’s books so badly that I painted my beliefs as reality over actual reality in all instances and occasions.
For example, physical reality consists of events happening in the present moment. Beliefs, on the other hand, localize our attention on certain fragments of reality and interpret them based on what that belief is.
So, in reality, people are not static beings. Their beliefs, ideas, and emotions change from moment to moment. They are not the same person they were ten minutes ago. To put them in a box and assign them the identity of who they were ten minutes ago—rather than who they are now—is not honoring actual reality. It is limiting, fragmenting, and caters to the ego’s need to feel better about itself.
Beliefs about reality intentionally focus on and localize certain aspects of life to give us specific experiences. For example, if you believe you are poor, you will focus on all the ways that belief is reinforced—EVEN if you experience abundance in areas of life beyond money. But because of that belief, your attention is directed toward all the ways that affirm that reality.
Breaking free from that belief system and adopting a new one is what makes life fun and interesting. When you start shifting your beliefs, some people may think you’re crazy for calling yourself abundant when you have little to no money. But that reaction is just a reflection of their own beliefs and what they are exploring within themselves.
They just happen to be focusing on a particular localized portion of your life—a single fragment out of millions—and creating a judgment based on that. But if you are already adopting a new belief in that moment—that you do have a lot of money—then, over time, those moments add up. Eventually, your external reality begins to reflect that belief because that belief guides your focus toward all the places in reality that affirm it.
Physical reality is like the lot where the playground is built, and beliefs are the playground itself—the grass, the ball wall, the buildings all around it. This structured system allows us to have billions and trillions of ways to focus and localize our attention, shaping our experiences in specific ways through our beliefs.
Some beliefs are trivial and easy to change, while others conglomerate into systems and become core to our identity and morality. Any belief that does not align with our core beliefs can seem life-threatening because it has become so deeply integrated into our unconscious sense of self.
Physical reality exists before you interpret data in a specific way.
Entry 2,441 - February 15, 2025
You have to have the mentality that no matter your current circumstances, you will be successful. It's not a matter of if, just a matter of when.
I started two businesses, one with someone else and one on my own, and I'm not going to sugarcoat it... it's tough. But I have the mentality that no matter how hard it is, I won't give up. And that's how failures eventually culminate into success.
Entry 2,442 - February 15, 2025
Most religious scholars and historians agree with Pope Francis that the historical Jesus primarily spoke a Galilean dialect of Aramaic. Through trade, invasions, and conquest, the Aramaic language had spread far afield by the 7th century B.C. and would become the lingua franca in much of the Middle East.
Source: History.com
I prefer the Lamsa Bible.
The Aramaic Primacy Theory claims that the New Testament was originally written in Aramaic, not Greek. This theory is also known as Peshitta Primacy.
https://the10commandments.info/version/lamsa-bible/
Entry 2,443 - February 8, 2025
Communication within Arguments
When dealing with an argument, ask: "What did you hear?" This helps unravel an argument rather than falling into the trap of trying to win an argument.
Whenever you skirt around the truth—whenever you approach a conversation in a very indirect way—you are saying to them:
"I don’t believe you are emotionally strong enough to handle this," vs. "[Person], I’m telling you this because I believe you can handle this."
The more direct you are, the more respected and admired you will be.
"I'm telling you this because I know you believe in transparency."
You tell them the quality you want them to have, and they will rise to meet that quality.
If you don’t feel comfortable saying it about the person, re-frame it:
"I want to make sure this is a place of honesty where I can be free to say what I need to say. Am I good to say that?"
Add that to the frame.
Tell them what you want to talk about.
Tell them how you want the conversation to end.
"I’d like to talk about the comment you made last night, and I want to make sure it’s not brought up again at dinner. Does that work?"
If you talk about everything, you don’t talk about anything.
How to Talk to Someone You Don’t LikeThat doesn’t give you a reason to be less likable.
"Don’t argue with a fool because onlookers won’t know the difference."
You're not just convincing the person—you're convincing the people around you. They are watching.
Go neutral. Stick with basic facts.
How to Handle Someone Who Belittles YouMake them say it again—because they want a reaction. When you ask them to repeat it, you are delaying their gratification.
Then, ask questions of intent:
"Did you say that to try to hurt me?"
At that point, it becomes a mirror for them.
Dealing with DisrespectAt that moment, the person is feeling something.
Wait 10 seconds—make it a little awkward.
Then say:
"That was beneath me, and I don’t respond to something beneath me."
Don’t water down your speech.
Get rid of the ice cubes (the apologizing, the repeating, the empty words).
Simply take a breath, think about what you are going to say, and then say it.
"What are you most excited about today?"
Because in the past, people tend to focus on the negatives—but shift to focus on the positives in the future.
Mel Robbins with Vanessa Van EdwardsMake a List of Your Relationships:
- Put a star by people you would drop things to hang out with
- Put a minus sign next to people you don’t want to hang out with
- Put a question mark if you’re unsure whether you’d miss them if you didn’t hang out with them
- Think about your work and your energy
- Pygmalion Effect – If you set up a good expectation, it will come about
- If they see an incredible speaker, they will recognize it and turn people to life
- Get rid of ambivalent tasks and relationships (not sure if I like them or not)
- We are in control of our likability (when you like more people, you become more likable)
- Acknowledge more people—small moments count
- Doesn’t have to be a full conversation
- Micro-moments of likability
- Look at toe directions—feet often point toward the most important person in the room
- Highly influential people claim their space
- You are assertive verbally, emotionally, and physically
- Maximize the distance from shoulders to ears for power—it signals your brain:
"I am taking up space. I am safe."
Entry 2,444 - February 21, 2025
I saw this diver going free diving. After he hit a certain point in the water, he didn’t have to swim anymore—he just naturally started to “sink” or be drawn to the middle.
I then saw the Earth being compared to a cell in our body. No matter how far anyone manages to go toward the center of the Earth, there is actually no limit. The illusion is that there is a limit—that one could find the center and then simply go the other way, up to the other side of the Earth, popping up somewhere like China.
But what actually happens is that the center acts very similarly to a black hole. In a way, it is a portal to a different dimension of existence. When you go through the center, emerging on the other side could mean entering an entirely different Earth, or even a different universe with its own unique laws that govern that particular reality.
Many religions and spiritual teachers like to paint the body as limited, evil, or imprisoned, but in actuality, all limits are nothing more than perceived limitations. They are not true. If the physical body, mind, and spirit are all one, then any perceived limitation in one is merely a reflection of a perceived limitation within the mind, which is then reflected in the body.
Go to India, and you’ll hear stories of men who walk on water, walk on fire, levitate, split their consciousness into two different bodies, defy gravity, defy age, and more. This is due to the freedom of their beliefs. What is in their mind is reflected in their body, because once again, mind, body, and spirit are all one.
So Earth has its own physical body, its own mind, and its own spirit. It has its own freedom of expression, just as you do. Yet we still have a special relationship of oneness with Earth that goes beyond words. We are of the Earth, but we are also individuals with the freedom to act as we choose. We are not chained to the Earth, nor is the Earth chained to us.
I’d say the closest thing we have on our physical body that mirrors black holes in the universe—or the inter-dimensional black hole at the center of the Earth, is our eyeballs. The deeper you look into them, the deeper you realize there is no beginning or end. They scream eternity.
They are a constant reminder that while we exist in the universe, there is also a universe within us. This universe cannot be fathomed, contained, or limited. The eyes are not only the windows to the soul, they are testimonies of our infinite nature. Our multidimensional reality, somehow confined to a circular physical apparatus, sits between skin and skull.
How marvelous. How miraculous.
Entry 2,445 - February 21, 2025
There are many benefits to reading A Course in Miracles, especially in working through the lessons in the workbook. According to Hawkins’ Calibrated Consciousness Map, the reading equates to about 540, and the workbook calibrates to 600.
However, I want to point out a major shortcoming I noticed while reading the text—one that has some similarities to Gnosticism. In Gnosticism, the material or physical world is seen as lesser and not real. Likewise, A Course in Miracles paints the physical world as an illusion.
However, Seth—the channeled entity famous for The Nature of Personal Reality through Jane Roberts—showed that, in reality, the physical world is one with our mental and spiritual realities, just as our physical body is one with our mental and spiritual bodies. It is actually just as real as the others. This perspective is much more holistic and true to actual reality, rather than being just a belief system about reality.
Let’s dive deeper into this. To view the human body and the material world as illusions creates unnecessary detachment and distrust. Who trusts an illusion? But if you view the body, mind, and spirit as three interconnected aspects of the same whole—each offering a unique map that leads to the one truth—then this perspective becomes incredibly useful.
What I’ve noticed is that when I adopt this positive belief from Seth, I trust my body more. I allow myself to fully feel what my body is experiencing instead of pushing it away. Rather than rejecting physical sensations, I lean into them and try to understand what my body is trying to show me.
At best, A Course in Miracles describes the body as a communication device. At worst, it presents the body as a tool of separation and illusion. This is likely why, on a scale of 1 to 1,000, the reading section calibrates at 540.
Technically, it is still great at fostering unconditional love for others—hence the 540 score—and it effectively instills a forgiving perspective that is not combative but healing. Unfortunately, it does not do the best job of expressing the inherent oneness between our body, mind, and spirit.
Seth has elaborated that while on Earth, our soul is our body, and our body is our soul. How intimate of a relationship is that! If you were to take a separatist viewpoint—that you are merely a visitor inside a meat sack and that the body is meaningless—this belief would most definitely be reflected in your body. Your body constantly changes and fluctuates based on your thoughts, ideas, and beliefs about it.
Focusing on the oneness of body, mind, and spirit is much more powerful and healing than focusing on the body as a mere separation device.
Entry 2,446 - February 21, 2025
Seth, in my opinion, presents a conceptual framework of the body that is much healthier than most religions and spiritual teachings.
For example, Christianity's view of the flesh is that it is sinful and, therefore, we must die. SUPER NEGATIVE. This encourages a sense of separation between oneself and one's body.
Spiritual teachers like Eckhart Tolle and channeled books like A Course in Miracles downplay the body, describing it as merely a communication device and part of the illusion, neither good nor bad. Eckhart Tolle, in particular, calls it an illusion, which encourages unnecessary detachment.
But I LOVE how Seth portrays the relationship:
Seth said, "The soul does not exist apart from nature. It is not thrust into nature. Nature is the soul in flesh, and whatever its materializations. The flesh is as spiritual as the soul, and the soul is as natural as the flesh."
Seth said, "Your thoughts are as natural as the cells within your body, and as real. They interact with one another as viruses do. While you are in this reality, there is no division between the mental, the spiritual, and the physical. If you think there is, then you do not sufficiently understand the spirituality of the flesh or the physical reality of your thought."
Thanks to Seth reminding me, I have remembered there is no separation between the spiritual, the mental, or the physical. They are all one.
Entry 2,447 - February 21, 2025
Have you noticed how your eyes release tears when you put in eye drops to rejuvenate them? Or when you cry because you finally allow yourself to feel an emotion?
See your eyeball as Earth. Earth does the same thing—she releases water when she feels her emotions. Look at how much water there is.
Entry 2,449 - February 22, 2025
Last year, I would have described only the “positive, happy” emotions as eternal and all the negative ones as temporary. But in a way, they are all still witnesses of love, and to me now, all witnesses of love are eternal. Duality helps us witness love from different angles. Without it, love is. But with these powerful emotions, we experience both what love is and what love is not.
We also witness love imbuing these emotions with an element of transformation—one that is expansive, freeing, and fresh.
It defies all previous thoughts of suffering and breathes new life into them, similar to how a caterpillar transitions from a slow, inching body to a free, flying, transcendent form. That is the power of love, and all that witnesses its power will be held within a memory that will never cease to be.
Entry 2,450 - February 23, 2025
It’s funny because I’ve had people tell me they don’t think aliens exist, and little do they know, I go with my friends on meditation trips to different planets with aliens on them.
We not only interact with them—we eat with them, converse with them. They show us how they live, introduce us to their spiritual leader, and even take time to heal us before we leave.
Entry 2,451 - February 23, 2025
I used to feel EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE around people who freely expressed their emotions minute by minute because I had denied myself that ability.
I wore a fake mask of happy smiles even when someone irritated me. That fakeness drew other fake people toward me, and eventually, I realized I was terrified. Did they actually want to be my friend, or did they just want something from me? And I couldn’t tell—because their mask was on all the time.
I eventually said, this is insane, and no more. I will be honest, authentic, and true to how I feel as much as possible.
Entry 2,452 - February 23, 2025
So many of these hit songs are so stupid. They're all repetitively about the same thing—stripping, objectifying women, and drugs.
Like when are we going to have mainstream music be predominantly about bringing peace on earth, joy in the little moments, or overcoming our greatest fears?
Entry 2,453 - February 23, 2025
I try to always be seven ahead.
Whenever someone does something, I instantly try to think about why they did it—seven reasons ahead of that moment. When I do something, I’m trying to think seven steps ahead about where it could take me in the future.
Entry 2,454 - February 23, 2025
The movie Idiocracy is how I feel while being on planet Earth right now.
I find it so stupid that so many people are taken advantage of by companies that play ads over and over to get them addicted on alcohol and drugs—that they let these things control them—and that people don’t give them the help they need to get out of it.
I find it so stupid that people have babies when they can’t even take care of themselves financially, when they don’t even realize they’re pregnant, drink exorbitant amounts of alcohol, and plague their babies with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and a hard future.
I find it so stupid that we don’t live in a society that puts the Earth’s health first. Instead, we put economics first, and the Earth, animals, plants, and humanity all suffer because of it.
Entry 2,455 - February 24, 2025
To find the best way to script your future, find the flow and stay within it. Let it lead you. Let it guide you. Make friends with it. Become one with it.
Eventually, you’ll notice you just so happen to already be on the way—almost as if the flow itself brought you to it simply by cooperating with it rather than resisting it.
Even if it doesn’t make sense, make time to get into the flow through meditation, dance, singing, painting—whatever artistic endeavor reconnects you with expressing your Creator attribute.
Entry 2,456 - February 24, 2025
I thought nirvana would be something more than anything my body could give me,but all it did was bring me deeper into my humanity.
It took me through all the emotions I repressed.
It glued me back together as if I started off as a papier-mâché.
It taught me how to look at myself with compassion.
It wasn't otherworldly.
It was actually very human.
It was the most human I’ve ever felt.
No perfection chasing.
No mistake erasing.
No angel-pretending behavior.
Just raw, honest humanity.
Nirvana taught me it is okay to be me.
Nirvana helped me stop running from my humanity.
It taught me radical acceptance.
Entry 2,457 - February 25, 2025
"We don't make fun of people. We make light of situations."
- Matt Rife
LOVE THAT!
Entry 2,458 - February 25, 2025
In response to a confused person online about what it means to be transgender:
Of course, one cannot change their chromosomes, but taking hormone replacement therapy allows the preferred gender to become the dominant characteristic expressed outwardly in the body.
There are over 300 species that transition from one gender to another. Do you think that if it were a sin to transition, maybe God wouldn’t have created 300 species transitioning alongside us?
Entry 2,459 - February 26, 2025
Just as there are issues on every bandwidth of consciousness, one major issue I’ve noticed—one that I don’t believe is talked about enough—is the desire to disassociate from the ego.
At lower energy fields, the issue is over-attachment and identification with the ego. But in higher energy fields of consciousness, the issue becomes disassociation and refusal to accept one’s own humanity, which includes the ego.
What this looks like is disassociation from one’s own emotions as well as others and into an impersonal field of energy rather than being planted and grounded in one’s own body. It manifests as an addiction to other fields of reality while in meditation—rather than using meditation to become more firmly grounded in one’s humanity.
These are issues I don’t recall most spiritual teachers discussing, except for David R. Hawkins, because, unfortunately, I think many of them have never experienced the new temptations that arise in those higher energy fields. They are simply not living in them.
People can only teach what they know, and I accept that. But nothing truly prepared me for the new temptations of these fields besides Hawkins' and Adyashanti’s books. Not even A Course in Miracles helped with it—it actually made it worse for a while, to be honest.
I realized that I tend to use spirituality as an escapist crutch from my reality as a human whenever I am not living according to my soul’s blueprint. What I mean by that is I treat spirituality like an immaterial drug. I’ve learned how to use it to distract myself from my unhappiness when I’m in the midst of a timeline that is discordant with my truth.
In that case, I am no better than anyone who uses material things as escapist crutches from their reality as a human—whether that’s television, alcohol, or vaping. I am just as saturated in my own defeatist mentality by staying in a timeline that makes me insufferably unhappy. Using coping mechanisms—regardless of whether they are material or immaterial—is not conducive to getting out of that suffering.
Escaping from physical reality to find a spiritual drug is still a coping mechanism. I didn’t even realize how bad it was until I understood that spirituality is a tool, like anything else. It’s how you use it that determines whether it becomes a coping mechanism or a tool to push past the past and stay as present as possible.
Entry 2,461 - February 27, 2025
One major negative aspect of being a student of A Course in Miracles is its demonization of the ego—the portrayal of the ego as the villain.
Looking back at my blogs from the time I was nearing the end of my study of A Course in Miracles, I noticed that many of my writings about the ego reflected the negative perception of the course’s writer.
I deeply appreciate Seth's balanced perspective on the ego, as well as David R. Hawkins' perspective. I think their approaches are much more fair, balanced, and less attached to negative connotations that create disruptions in how one relates to their ego.
Entry 2,462 - February 27, 2025
I had a realization while I was in the car—one that was confirmed by chills all over my body.
One of the major reasons why Everything Everywhere All at Once carried such a powerful surge of energy was because I was reacting to a future moment of harnessing that energy.
I was connecting to those moments somehow. For some reason, I was able to access them, and that surge of energy put me back on a timeline aligned with my higher self—one that followed my soul’s blueprint. It was the beginning of the end of all the masks I was wearing.
I think I connected to the portion of my soul that resonated with a probable version of myself that had absolutely nothing. While watching Everything Everywhere All at Once, I connected deeply to the storyline of the mother—because she had no success, because she was extremely poor, because she was at the lowest of the low, she was able to do the most. She was able to project herself the highest out of all the other versions of herself and, ultimately, save the entire multiverse.
And that's what I feel like in this particular timeline—where I’m currently coming from a place of poverty. And because I have nothing, I have all this potentiality to gain everything.
And by everything, I don’t mean saving the world from ceasing to exist, but rather living as fully as I can according to my particular blueprint for this life—so that I can be of the most help to myself and everything around me.
Entry 2,463 - February 28, 2025
Putting my action toward it, letting myself go for it.
Entry 2,464 - February 28, 2025
Let’s say that the probable versions extending out from you do exist, and they all reach out to infinity based on all the beliefs you could have that could create a new reality.
Then it would actually be quite irrational to assume you go to hell for believing in Jesus incorrectly—when there is already a probable version of you somewhere that does believe in Jesus.
Who is God going to throw into hell? A portion of you, because one out of a myriad of others didn’t believe exactly how He wanted you to believe? It’s preposterous.
The most beneficial way to look at beliefs is not as a requirement for admittance into heaven, but as the building material for new and exciting manifestations in physical reality. Beliefs create frameworks to play in, and they also provide the focused attention necessary to eventually manifest whatever it is into reality.
Entry 2,465 - February 28, 2025
It’s stupid to assume that just because the Orthodox Christian Church is the oldest branch, it is exactly what Jesus established on Earth.
I will say over and over again with firm conviction—Jesus did not come to create a new religion with followers under a religion called Christianity.
Jesus came to create love—for your neighbor, for the widow, the orphan, the tax collector, and so forth.
Do you really think Jesus was down on Earth creating each tradition in Christianity and then stamping His approval onto them?
I’m pretty sure if Jesus were that desperate to create a religion around His name, He would have at least written the doctrine for this newfound religion.
But no, the reason He didn’t is because the stories of Jesus are mythological stories pulled from multiple religions and standardized in councils by men with power who knew that religion is how you control the masses.
Entry 2,466 - February 28, 2025
I know I am deeply connected to my Oversoul when I am in meditation—when the “thoughts” I’m having are not about yesterday, old memories, or what I have to do in the future, but rather past lives that pop up as seamlessly and easily as an old memory deep within me.
It’s like a movie in my head. Although I cannot immediately make the connection as to why that life is being shown to me, I know it obviously has some sort of connection to my life now, or else it wouldn’t have come up. Just as thoughts that arise in meditation about this life have some sort of immediate connection and importance, the same goes for the Oversoul—only on a much grander scale.
A whole life as one human body is but a breath in and a breath out for the Oversoul.
A thought in meditation about what “Ky” might have to do tomorrow can be likened to a small portion of a single breath—not even a full one—representing just a fraction of an incarnation that the Oversoul peers into.
Entry 2,467 - February 28, 2025
All illness is an idea that can be remediated at the thought level.
Entry 2,467.5 - February 28, 2025
Imagine if, in each life you lived, you lived only to escape it. This is the downside and detriment of many religions and spiritual groups on Earth today—so many of them encouraging an escapist mindset from being human, from enjoying the journey. They program you to think life is largely a life of suffering, and you don’t realize they are hypnotizing you to focus on the negative data when there is a plethora of positive data to be seen as well.
Eventually, my goal with spirituality shifted from trying to escape my suffering to embracing my suffering. Now, it has transformed into the goal of full-body mastery and living truthfully according to why I came here—to live according to the blueprint of my soul.
Entry 2,468 - February 28, 2025
I take ownership of my creation. It's so boring when someone strips away the authorship of their own creative work by saying, Oh, it wasn’t from me. It was from God or—as if they aren't one with God. Almost as if denying their own Godhood, their own oneness with God, makes them look humble.
But in actuality, it's extremely arrogant. If all of creation is One, then who are you to be so separate and defined apart from God? In truth, we came here to create.
We came here to own up, to enjoy our own creations that stem from our individuality—yes, inspired by our divinity. But just because they are inspired by divinity does not negate that our individuality brought them into existence. And what a blessing it is to be a unique individual, to bring something beautiful from oneness into this Earth to be appreciated.
I think we would all be better off if we accepted, acknowledged, and knew that we were worthy of appreciating our own creations. Even if all we do is take from one source and repackage it, we still took the action to do so—which is marvelous, shocking, startling, and worthy of being praised.
Yes, if you want to be nitty-gritty, the source of our creations comes from Source. But we, as individuals, also come from Source, and we are creating ourselves every single day. It's not like God is forcing you to be fat, or forcing you to be undernourished, or forcing you to be muscular.
Your body is your own individual masterpiece. Yes, you draw from divinity, from oneness, from Source, but it is your special creative masterpiece that you bring into existence. Accepting that you are the one doing that is such a blessing because it means you are acknowledging the reality of the situation. You're accepting your humanity. You're accepting your masterpiece. You are, essentially, expressing God in human form.
Entry 2,469 - March 1, 2025
Someone on Reddit was expressing their confusion with A Course in Miracles, and this was my response:
That's because it's not realistic. It's quasi-delusional, asking you to flip reality upside down to fit a different paradigm of thinking—where what you see is not real, and what you don’t see is.
It depends on what perspective you choose. Choosing a perspective is not inherently right or wrong; it simply means you are opting into playing the game. The issue with ACIM is that it attempts to opt you out of the game rather than allowing your specific humanity to be seen, felt, and expressed.
Entry 2,470 - March 1, 2025
It's not nearly enough to merely live through your kids. You have to find it within yourself to live your own life freely.
Many of you who have taken the bait from religion to sacrifice your dreams to God, your husband, or your family, will comically find yourselves back on Earth to do it how you want to do it—not because you’re forced to come back, but because your desires will eventually manifest as physical reality, experienced in an event by your consciousness. Desire is literally love in action.
The desires of your heart are a beautiful expression of the blueprint you came here with. To deny your desires is to deny your blueprint, and denial can only last so long before it is overturned by the power of love.
However many more times you deem fit, you will continue running until you stop fleeing from your humanity and fully embrace who you came here to be. I promise you—God could care less how angelic you pretend to be. Being human is the point of coming here. Stop running from it.
Entry 2,471 - March 1, 2025
PoetryI think what you wanted to say to me is that you wanted me to be there for you
and I couldn't,
and I hated that I couldn't.
I hated that other people were in the position I wanted to be in—
supportive, present, available.
You had the cramps at 2 AM?
I was already there with a milkshake.
You needed to go over your stuff?
I was the one quizzing you on it.
I think it messed you up, knowing how much I already knew about how you felt.
But what messed me up more was how, even with all that knowledge, I still couldn't be there for you.
And I think that's what broke you—
you saw my potential to be what you needed,
but I still wasn't there when you needed me.
And that killed you
because you can't deny what you felt.
Nor can I.
But what's the point of wishing for a potential that never manifested?
Maybe I should stop hating myself and just accept it as it was.
Right person, bad timing.
Entry 2,472 - March 4, 2025
My response to Disney retracting a transgender movie character:
As a kid, I know that if I had trans representation, I would have had much more confidence knowing that what I was going through wasn't "bad," but just another unique way of experiencing life. I also most likely wouldn't have had chronic depression, anxiety, and a life-threatening health scare.
They are weak to think that a movie about transgender people is negatively influential rather than positive. But regardless, they can't silence us forever.
Wait until they figure out that many ascended masters throughout the ages and even potentially God in the Bible could have been or could be trans in nature. Read Proverbs in the Bible, where God is given she/her pronouns. Sophia, right? Yeah, I think that was her name. 🤔
Entry 2,473 - March 5, 2025
It looks so dumb when people on sports teams pray to who they believe is the Creator to win their game. Like, okay—sure, maybe portions in the Bible make it clear that the God in the Bible has favorites and prefers to help one nation over other nations. But the real Creator is not picking and choosing people based on how much they promise to submit and obey over blood sacrifices.
In my opinion, the real Creator could care less which team wins the soccer game! It’s ridiculous. It’s not the Creator who chooses who wins—it’s quite literally the group belief versus the other team’s belief that determines the outcome. The team that believes more in their victory will eventually win.
Similarly on Earth in general, it isn’t a battle of God vs. Satan. How degrading it is to assume God actually has a viable enemy that it could lose to. No—the battle is between people’s beliefs. Who believes harder? Who has more determination to win? That is the battle on Earth.
Not the Creator fighting against Its own creation. Again—how stupid is it to assume the Infinite Creator has to try to win over Its own creation? No. That is people projecting their own limitations onto a limitless I Am.
Entry 2,474 - March 6, 2025
This is how I change negative beliefs: I script them and then listen to them while lying down. The process: I take an inventory of my beliefs, change the ones that no longer work to ones that I want to have, and then I listen to them until I believe them.
Your beliefs create your reality, so if you want to change your outer environment, take time to change your inner environment (your mind).
Entry 2,475 - March 7, 2025
You will ALWAYS lose to someone who has passion for their career. So if you’re doing it for money but your heart is somewhere else, don’t expect to be better than the person who has a natural passion for their field and can live, breathe, and die in their career because they love it.
Entry 2,476 - March 7, 2025
The one major hurdle of fundamental Christianity is getting over the fear of no longer believing it is necessary to believe that Jesus died, was God and we’re not, and that he will send you to hell forever if you don’t. It was one of the biggest blocks of fear I had to deal with. It was not easy. All my life, I was inundated with the belief that if I stopped believing how they wanted me to believe, I would undoubtedly go to hell. I don’t think non-Christians know how strong and terrible this fear is.
Even though now, on the other side, it’s laughable that I put my eternal destiny in a bunch of old tales turned horror, at the time, it was all-consuming. The fear that God would throw you into hell if you believed incorrectly was the biggest fear I had. It was all-consuming and required constant appeasement to this warlord-type God who demanded your belief and submission. HOWEVER, once I broke free and I was on the other side—oh my God—the amount of freedom, the space, the peace, the love was HUGE.
How could I have believed in such a tiny, limited version of the Creator? How could I submit to some weird, estranged, obedience-demanding war daddy in the clouds? How on earth did I fall for that so easily? It’s like waking up from a bad dream that so happened to be a majority of your life. Then, being this free, the desire to go back to any church and potentially enslave yourself to a horrifying belief like that is nonexistent.
One builds a repulsion to Christianity overall, though some find a way to dampen their fear and stay within Christianity, too afraid to completely cut ties but also open to more freedom. They live in this weird limbo state where they believe believing in Jesus is required for heaven, but at the same time, they hope to God that the Creator isn’t actually like that and maybe He’s actually chill? They like to believe that, but they’re too afraid to fully send that belief all the way, so they stay as lukewarmers.
Suffering from their inability to break completely free from the degenerate belief that enslaves people into mindless, numbing fear of the afterlife. What a terrible thing to push onto people: “If you don’t believe exactly how God wants you to believe, to hell forever you go.” If that were actually God, what a mindless, numbing, insecure, egocentric God that would be.
Five or so years ago, I couldn’t even write that down because I assumed He would get so mad at me—like how He supposedly got so mad at the Israelites for handling the Ark of Covenant incorrectly—and kill me on the spot. I don’t know if non-Christians understand how bad this fear was. I literally had to reach a point where I was okay with the possibility where He would end up killing me for believing in Him incorrectly and no longer following Him in the fundamental Christian way I was expected to.
I had to be okay with the possibility of death by God.
But let me tell you—when I got over that fear, IT WAS THE BEST GODDAMN DAY OF MY LIFE.
Entry 2,477 - March 8, 2025
My goal is to make people feel their humanity again, make them embrace it, and accept that this is what they are. They are not a problem to be solved but a mystery waiting to be loved.
Entry 2,478 - March 8, 2025
I’m getting better and better at harnessing life force energy.
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