Entry 2,479 - Entry 2,487
Entry 2,479 - March 10, 2025
An issue I've come across within myself while reading A Course in Miracles, is that one can mistakenly bypass the emotional body if one takes it out of context. Yes to an extent, the advice in ACIM given to a human is going to be harder to received based off the circumstances of our time on a contested world as 3rd density human beings. But on the other side, the book does a great job of encouraging us toward an eventual evolution of a higher way of life, where negative emotions are no longer able to bring us so far down into misery as they did so in the past.
In terms of this advanced entity Jesus, it is very sound advice and it is reassuring he believes we are capable of reaching it, but for many who are not at an open place to receive it or who don't have the best discernment on the application of it's principles, it may activate the ego to do even more damage to try to bypass the natural emotional responses and, in turn, act from a different vantage point that is not close to our truth. Examples of that would be thinking that A Course in Miracles encourages fragmentation, disassociation, and de-realization, which would dig deeper holes of confusion and misery.
Humans on average have very heavy emotional bodies. These emotional bodies in themselves (being able to experience a variety of emotions) are not bad. Our emotional bodies are divine maps to bring us deeper into love. It is actually a blessing to have such a heavy emotional body within each and every one of us. To be able to feel so deeply for ourselves and for others is a blessing for the time being. For many experiences unique to humanity, it can be a gem of fulfilling challenges to look back at.
But the issue with attempting to have people who are not ready for the lessons in ACIM is: they are turned off from doing the natural alchemy of the emotional body. They are not partaking in the transmutation of emotions and allowing that emotion to give them the ride of their lifetime... give them the journey they signed up for. Because in a lot of ways, emotions are like roads that we travel along. And to misinterpret the aim of ACIM and to to simply go straight to the destination and say, “Oh, there are no emotions because it’s an illusion." Or, "I have no emotions so I'm free and liberated" meanwhile they have a load of unseen and unheard emotions all throughout their body, is bypassing that beautiful journey ACIM is trying to take you on of healing and joy. Or they are bypassing the true and genuine Holy Instant which aligns true heaven with who they are.
So in my opinion, ACIM may not be helpful for many humans who are trying to do the course on their own without a teacher, especially if they still haven't connected to their emotional bodies enough to let them out, or who have, but in spurts of expressed emotion in a way where they cannot make sense to what is happening to them.
But to those who are able to enter into the material in a way where they know it isn't asking themselves to detach from their emotions, but rather to refine and transform their emotions from lower to higher and who have a dedicated teacher who is farther along the path of that emotional journey, it will resonate deeply for them and have a powerful affect of bringing more lasting joy into their lives.
Emotions are the map that show us the way. They teach us. They challenge us. They help us grow. And if people read ACIM and think that it is advocating for them to merely throw them off through an unhealthy process such as disassociation, fragmentation and de-realization, that is not true in the slightest, and doing so would take away the blessing of the journey emotions give us.
It's like those people who can't appreciate the failures and just want the success. It's not helpful and that is not was ACIM teaches. Unlearning illusions that make us miserable can be a beautiful process of transformation, not of disassociation from one's emotions. Oftentimes we do heal along a journey within the space/time continuum. But know also that in the Holy Instant, all of the misery can dissolve in love with no time needed. There are many roads, and some who go on no roads at all and merely take a direct step into heaven. Some long, some short, some instantly in the moment they choose for it to be so. It merely depends on what you want to experience while here on earth.
And so, to end. I leave you with two questions: How much do you truly want heaven? How long will it take for you to enter into heaven, knowing that no one can stop you from doing so except yourself?
Entry 2,480 - March 11, 2025
poetry
So many nights
I've had this strange feeling come over me
I'd look up at the night sky
All alone in the dark of the night
And it felt like it was only Me in the whole universe
No one else
Just Me
Playing with Me
How weird
How lonely
How strange
And then it hit me
I instinctually put on Kill for Your Love by Labrinth
And I realized I "killed" my full Self to feel that which I am
I willingly fragmented my Self to taste the essence of my own being
I sought this so deeply, so intensely, I was willing to suffer so much
For just one drop of love to be experienced
How willing was I to give up all comfort, security, peace, just for a little drop of that forbidden love
Love mixed with hate
Hate mixed with fury
Fury mixed with insanity
I was willing to experience full delusion just for one tiny morsel of real love
Was I insane? Or fully sane?
How compelling this love was—to make me bank the terror of losing myself on a daily basis, just for one drop of forbidden love.
Entry 2,481 - March 11, 2025
Peered into the future:
I saw myself on talk shows saying:
"I want people to feel their humanity, their earth nature, because then they reconnect with Mother Earth."
When religion is bent on having you escape from Mother Earth and to see your body as evil, and escape to somewhere else, it is doing more damage than help.
WE ARE ONE WITH MOTHER EARTH WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT.
Entry 2,481 - March 14, 2025
The belief that Jesus came to start a religion and make an official doctrine called the Bible is hilarious to me.
Do people really think if Jesus wanted to start a religion, he would come to Earth during a time when there were no computers or mass publication processes?
Like really, let's think about this logically... Let's run with the fundamental Christian belief that Jesus had to die or we'd all be banished to hell forever. If Jesus could technically come at ANY moment to die on the cross to save everyone, the time he came would be a terrible time to come in order to create a new religion called Christianity.
There's a verse that many fundamental Christians acknowledge where Jesus preached in some limbo world after he supposedly died and before he rose again. Technically, if he waited until the age of computers, it would be even better for the success of retaining the religion he established. But no, he didn't, because he didn't come here to create another religion.
He came to change the people's thought process in religion. He met them where they were at. He used their language. He used their doctrines. He used their religion as a starting point before attempting to take them beyond the limits of their religion.
Entry 2,482 - March 14, 2025
A major breakthrough I had while reading Cybernetics was that a bunch of ideas create someone's self-image.
Someone else's ideas are their own depiction of what they think your self-image should be—based not on facts, but ideas about facts.
You don’t have to fall inferior and align with that inferior image.
Entry 2,483 - March 18, 2025
Quote from @Faith | Hausfraud Homestead:
"I have told my roommate, 'You're trying to set me on fire so you can put me out, and it's not going to work. You're not a victim in a situation you created.'"
Entry 2,484 - March 19, 2025
People be like, “Oh, you deny the Creator of His glory when you don't give it to Him,” and I'm like, you deny the Creator when you deny yourself—because the two are interconnected. And it's actually a "slap in God's face" when you don't see it like that. Not literally a slap in His face, but as figurative speech. I definitely do not believe there's some sky daddy orchestrating things on a golden chair sitting in the clouds.
Entry 2,485 - March 19, 2025
One of the most annoying scripts of being a Christian is this unattainable attempt to be "perfect," or whatever the hell that means. I call it a sad attempt at denying one's humanity.
As a Christian, to feel like you get close to this, you have to create a group of people who are not perfect and are not on this same track of perfection as you are. What this creates is false tension that supposedly makes you feel good, but in reality, it's merely candy for the ego.
The ego loves negative comparison and making itself feel superior over other people by scripts it creates from anything it can grab, such as this script from Christianity.
How you'll notice if someone is accepting this annoying, soul-sucking script into their life is they'll constantly make comparisons of you to someone else, trying to make you feel more superior—because to them, it would make their ego feel better. But in reality, it's just annoying and weird.
When this happens, you can either accept their script, give this candy to the ego and then feel like shit after the high leaves, or refuse to accept it and call them out on it.
This is the best thing you can do for these people, who are oftentimes so knee-deep into these painfully unhelpful scripts, they don't understand why they're so miserable all the time. And it's because they don't realize they're catering to what their ego craves vs. finding fun ways to share unconditional love in all the fun, infinite ways possible.
The latter is not candy for the ego, but nutrients for every soul, including one's own. It creates more self-awareness and awareness in the other. It creates more happiness. More joy. There is no sugar crash like feeding the soul.
Entry 2,486 - March 20, 2025
Unmasking
I never knew how scared I would be
Until I really thought I would do it for me
Wearing my true self out on my sleeve
Where everyone can judge and see
Will they love me or hate me?
Disappear or stay with me?
Entry 2,487 - March 21, 2025
For those who may not be familiar with these terms:
Cognitive dissonance is where people live in a state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes—especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.
To disassociate means to split off (a component of mental activity) to act as an independent part of mental life.
Every single Fundamental Christian I have ever come across is either struggling with cognitive dissonance or is experiencing some disassociative tendencies. For a while, I thought the reason for me being disassociated was because I was born with Gender Incongruence, but then I realized that both those issues arise from the chaotic, strange belief system akin to Fundamental Christianity and potentially other branches that are similar to the beliefs of that branch.
The only reason why I am able to pinpoint it as well as I can is I spent years diving deep within myself to discover it within myself. Some people might claim this is an exaggeration, but it’s not from my point of view. Any intimate conversation I’ve had with these Christians, I always hit a wall.
I’ll try to cross that wall with them, and they won’t do it. They turn off. It’s like I hit a switch that they cannot turn the other way around. Because of this fragmentation, they have been trained by Christianity to not cross over that barrier.
They are trained to not cross that barrier or else they risk being tortured by the devil and his minions for eternity. The fear of the destination of the afterlife is so strong, it paralyzes into submission.
I cannot explain how strong this mind control is unless you’ve experienced the belief system akin to Fundamental Christianity yourself. It is terrifying to think that if you “cross the line,” you could doom yourself for eternity. But that is how we were programmed in Fundamental Christianity. It’s so subtle, so sublime. They don’t come straight out with saying it like that. They hide the message slyly within their worship songs, within their sermons, and within their Bible studies.
They’ll play relaxing, hypnotic songs and then have you sing along to songs where we’re “thanking God for saving us from hell” and “thanking God that we believe in Him and are saved,” and “our God is better than the other gods,” and “I cannot wait to sing to God for eternity,” or my absolute favorite: “I’m a sinner, messed up, sinful, yada yada yada.”
What people may not realize is that these hypnotic melodies put a majority of people’s brain waves into alpha—and some even into theta—which makes them highly suggestible. It’s the same brain states hypnotherapists use to get their clients in a relaxed state to help change negative beliefs about themselves.
In this state, it is very easy for people to adopt belief systems that are contrary to reality or common sense, such as being burned infinitely for a “finite mistake” of believing incorrectly. It’s much easier to bypass the conscious and bleed it into the subconscious, which then regulates how one views the world, interacts with others, and how they see themselves.
Fundamental Christianity is the closest thing to anything I’ve experienced to mind control. It reminds me of “The People of the Light” in the Wheel of Time series on Amazon Prime. They claim to follow a God of love, but then they actively try to take away women’s rights and sign in laws that hurt transgender people—all in the name of their religion.
They claim to help others by giving tithes to the poor, but then behind closed doors, we all know there are followers of that church doing despicable things with that money. We’ve all heard the stories.
Yes, there are good people, but any person who suffers from mind control is susceptible to that which controls them. I’m not saying everyone will fall into those harm-inducing behaviors, but that I get the source of where they propagate. If you have a rotten fruit in a batch with fresh fruit, it makes sense why the fresh fruit are easily molded faster than if they were all fresh fruit. All it takes is one, and the mold travels quickly.
Entry 2,488 - March 21, 2025
Currently, as I feel the anger rise up over the trauma I’ve acquired from Christianity, I realize I’m still going through the cycle of the five stages of grief with it. I haven’t been a follower of Fundamental Christianity since around 2019, so I’m shocked that I still feel these intense feelings of anger, sadness, and depression around it all.
I hate how it still has so much ability to make me feel these negative emotions. I wish I could get over it. I wish I could process through these emotions already, but then I’m reminded to not see all these emotions as “bad or good,” but as a storehouse of feelings unique to my being. A map, a constellation, a way to connect deeply with others and myself.
I want so badly to label the feelings as bad, as evil, as messed up, as something to get rid of. But also, I don’t think that’s the point of having feelings—to just fall into another cycle of escapism promoted by the trauma of religion.
Perhaps what would make it better is if I stop running away from all these feelings I’ve acquired. If I were to give it life and put it on a canvas with paint, it would be multi-colored, vibrant, scary, wild, beautiful. I would hate it, but I also would love it. All these feelings… living in me, being a part of my body. It’s hard because it feels heavy. But also, I’d rather feel heavy and light than just light all the time.
I guess I’m answering myself at this point. I hate it, but I also refuse to escape from it. I won’t be a coward. I’ll face my feelings head-on. I’m not running any longer from Christianity and all the pain it did to me. I will never stop talking about my experience. I will never run from sharing the good, the bad, the ugly. Because yes, frankly, there were good times in Christianity, but also bloody, ugly moments that made me almost die.
It felt like I was in a narcissistic, verbally abusive, manipulative relationship with a significant other. I’d get love-bombed by their trained followers to do so, but also manipulated into believing my eternal torment was just around the corner if I failed to believe exactly how I was taught to believe—or be obedient as the church told me God wanted me to be.
See, it’s wild, chaotic, and still something I’m working through. I have all these emotions, but I still know I haven’t hit the heart of them. I haven’t been bulldozed by them yet. I haven’t shaken with tears, shook my fist at the walls of a distant church, or curled in a ball unable to move for weeks, but I’m getting close to that.
And that scares me. It scares me that I haven’t hit the heart. That I haven’t healed fully—whatever that’s supposed to mean. That I feel so much for a system that only exists in the minds of men. I hate it all. But I know feeling it all is essential.
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