Entry 2,521 - Entry 2,525

Entry 2,521

I also had a very interesting realization as I woke up. So I’ve been fighting pharyngitis (literally just means either a bacterial or viral infection that causes a sore throat) and bacterial conjunctivitis (fancy way of saying pink eye), and I have been surprised at how long it’s been taking to heal and the amount of pain I’ve experienced from these two infections.  

Now I know there are two at one time, but when I got sick over at the zen retreat, I also didn’t have the flu or COVID, and I was badly sick for a long time, and it was painful and worrisome. There was a point where I wasn’t even sure if I was going to make it because I felt so close to death, but I just kept fighting.

And I finally had this realization. My body is used to fighting viral infections from immunizations, which is nothing compared to actual infections. Receiving immunizations is almost like if a few adults who never play soccer were suddenly playing a game of soccer against five-year-olds. You’ve already made the “goals” (antibodies), so you don’t even need to play the game to create those antibodies.  

Similarly, after receiving an immunization for something like a virus that comes about every year or so, your body already has those antibodies created and doesn’t experience the extra stressful steps to create those antibodies from the actual viruses in their normal format, so they could potentially be applying that same type of playbook with other viruses.

And think about this, because this is super important. If these cells are passing down how to fight these viruses off because they don’t realize they’re synthetic, kid versions of the real deal, and they have the playbook on how to deal with the kid versions, but then they actually get a full-on, nasty adult team to play against, they are naturally going to be so not prepared it’s not even funny.

I may not know extensively and in detail how cells pass information, how they make antibodies, how they prepare for the next infection, etc., but what I can say with confidence is that giving the baby version of viruses and then having these cells teach other cells how to fight infections based on the baby version is going to be problematic for viral or many bacterial infections.

Now I’m not discounting all immunizations because there are some diseases that are a whole new beast that we have almost completely eradicated due to immunizations, like polio or measles. But the viruses that come every year, that give our body ample practice to fend off, are necessary at their full strength, because they’re not going anywhere, and they set the precedent for all similar viral and bacterial infections such as RSV, pharyngitis, etc. 

Let me tell you. I only had pharyngitis and bacterial conjunctivitis, and it was as if I had the fucking flu. There was a point where I was at an 8 out of 10 in terms of pain… for those two infections. They’re not even supposed to be serious, but the pain was so bad I drove myself to the ER to get antibiotics for them.

So if we were to attempt to empathize and step into the lives of cells, consistently giving the playbook for how to deal with little kids versus actual professional soccer plays is a huge difference, and does not properly prepare the next wave of cells when these viral and bacterial infections come about.

Again, I’m not saying we should stop vaccinating ourselves against everything, because, for example, we got rid of a huge threat such as polio due to vaccinations, but using them on viruses that continue to be here every year, which gives our immune systems some action, is just not necessary and actually more harmful down the road. 

Normally my colds before this were much milder, and I wasn’t out for 5–6 days. I wasn’t hit with multiple fevers, an 8 out of 10 pain, or body chills for having a damn sore throat and two pink eyes. This, to me, is ample evidence that it is counterproductive to get flu and COVID vaccines every year. Instead, I should trust that my body is tough enough to deal with the adults head-on, learn from them, download that playbook, pass it on to the new cells that come in, and become more and more prepared and successful when they arrive in my system. 

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Entry 2,522 - July 25  

Memory Pocket

I realize that within a certain picture of a memory, I can go within that memory and open up how I used to believe at that specific time. It’s like a little pocket book. I can also do it in reverse. I can remember how I used to believe and find a memory of where I was in space and time.

I had a moment where I remembered how I used to believe. I saw myself laying down in the house off in San Diego while I was going to college. I was sharing a room with a friend and I thought back on how much I fantasized, ruminated, and glorified the idea of having a partner that was a woman I could go home to.

To me at that time, that was the epitome of happiness: finding that partner that went well with my personality, loved to cuddle up and watch movies at night, and did life with me. I would oftentimes picture the same projected future of me on a cozy, modern, plush couch, watching a movie, cuddled up with a woman who was in a relationship with me.

It was almost as if I had an oxytocin release just from conjuring that projected future, because it was so desirable and pleasurable to know that one day that could be a reality, even if it wasn’t today. I realized at that point in my life most of my oxytocin release was based on imagination of what could be in the future, not what was right now.

I can also compare and contrast pretty efficiently my beliefs now versus my beliefs then, and the difference between the two is quite shocking. As of now (me in 2025) I don’t epitomize a relationship, and the idea of cuddling on the couch no longer elicits a ton of euphoria and good-feeling chemicals. It feels rather… like anything else would if I were to think about it.

Maybe that’s a good thing — that I no longer glorify the future? I mean, if I were to think about eating my favorite food, or traveling somewhere, or laughing hysterically with someone, it doesn’t come anywhere near actually experiencing it in the present moment. So I think perhaps I’ve been rewired to release more oxytocin when I am presently experiencing the things I enjoy, versus how I released it through my imagination of those moments. But yeah, imagining it in the future no longer gives that oxytocin rush I lived with most of my life.

But I also noticed that there are times when I miss that… that longing… that looking forward to having that type of relationship. Maybe not as obsessively and extensively as my past self did, but even just more than once or twice, those feel-good chemicals released merely by the imagination of the idea… I don’t know why it’s completely gone, and sometimes that makes me sad, that I can no longer let that oxytocin or serotonin or whatever it was come through what could be in the future. 

But again, maybe that isn’t so much a bad thing. Maybe it is a testament to how much more presently focused I am. However, then I also wonder if it’s due to me shutting some empathy out, feeling for myself in the future of what those emotions feel like. Then perhaps I’m micro-analyzing it too deeply and it literally is just a matter of me being more present-focused, and that’s all it is.

I will say that when I did that in the past it did feel like a drug of its own. If I could elicit such wonderful feel-good chemicals about an imaginative future moment, then what was the point of actually seeking it out right now in the present moment? I was already releasing a ton of feel-good chemicals in the present. Maybe that rumination of future possibilities, over allowing myself to bring it into the present moment, was my own inner prison system dressed up as heaven, and I didn’t even realize it until now. 

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Entry 2,523 - July 26  

 
Mainstream Abrahamic Religions Can Breed Damaging Arrogance

The mainstream Abrahamic religious verses of dominion taken out of context are responsible for some incredibly damaging behavior that can be seen all throughout the world, leading to increase in arrogance and destruction on our planet. Those who subscribe to the verses on dominion in the context of power over rather than harmony with, are flawed in the view of ourselves in relation to Earth and every living thing on it.

There are many minority Abrahamic faith groups and indigenous civilizations that lived and still do live extremely in touch with nature and allow themselves to fit in an integrated way into the ecosystem. So this perspective must have been perpetuated by a group that supported tenants in mainstream religion that advanced their religion over the health and wellness of the planet. 

I cannot truly point out how just one verse in Genesis about dominion has been used as justification to do whatever is necessary to sustain humans’ power over every living thing on this earth. In national parks, if a bear comes in contact with humans too much, park rangers are ordered to kill it. Why is that? Is the bear the problem, or are we? Notice how a majority of us in western civilization are so far removed from nature that we decide when a life must be taken to protect our dominion, our space, and our synthetic lifestyles that we’ve created, which are rarely, if ever, symbiotic with nature. Not only that, but within the Old Testament of supposedly God punishing countries for "sins", encouraging conquest over and genocide of "evil nations", and wars where "God wins" also perpetuate the issues we have seen throughout the centuries. 

Back to the animals and taking their lives to benefit human safety over an animal just trying to eat. With that mindset, people view animals living in our world, not us invading theirs. It’s a totally warped view of reality that was heavily influenced by century-old destructive religions that comply with the belief system and teach its adherents. It is malicious, nefarious, even evil to do, because it most definitely will be abused. There was the argument by those who supported having Africans as slaves against their will in the United States, having dominion over them. You know what they would say to justify it? “Oh, but we treat ours so well. They live in a great place, they eat well, and they even have a job! We shouldn’t be punished and have our slaves taken away just ’cause others treat them like pigs and hit them all the time.”

People do that all the time with their dominion. They have these huge zoos and massive man-made enclosures to run tests and whatnot that might have some slight benefits, BUT are ultimately a result of our failure to integrate as a species symbiotically into the ecosystem and circle of life that we have them in the first place! We have animals about to go extinct, and so we huffily round some up, hope they reproduce in our enclosures, and then hope to send them out again because of our dominion issue sparked heavily by religions. 

With everything we do, we make humans, at large, the main characters, and everything around us supporting characters. Everything is to benefit humans and our communities, even if it’s at the expense of animals going extinct. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not just religion sparking this dominion issue, but also an empathy issue that underlies it.

How can you truly have empathy but then go out of your way to hunt elephants for their ivory to the point they are almost extinct in order to make a few hundred bucks? These people are heartless. Going after paper money and driving elephants almost to extinction? This, once again, is a result of us living cut off and apart from nature rather than symbiotically with it. Money is not real. Needing to eat to survive is real, tangible, and a part of being symbiotically connected to Nature. Just because we grew a goddamn neo-frontal cortex in order to reason more than most animals doesn’t make us smarter in the context of harmony and well-being with those on earth.

One’s level of empathy is the biggest precursor to intelligence, because the heart is the center of us all. There are many animals who are able to drop much more easily into their heart than most humans can, and that can be shown by how, as a species, we’ve prioritized making nuke bombs that could kill everything in a huge area rather than learning how to become more symbiotic, healthy, and one with nature.

Humans acting like idiots. Governments spend billions of paper money to make a huge bomb that will destroy everything in order to stay in power over what? Other governments of people? Could you imagine trying to explain that to an animal? If they spoke our language and heard that, they would most likely see our race as complete dimwits. 

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Entry 2,524 - July 29

The final orgasm

I’ve talked about this before, but I’d like to go more in depth about this, especially since there are a lot of people who still have a fear of death. Now, it most certainly doesn’t help that in movies for hundreds of years, people are shown dying in drastic and terrible ways. From cancer to shootings to falling off buildings, the list goes on and on. And due to this being seen over and over, one may connect “death” always to “pain,” when, actually, that should not be the normal way for one’s soul to leave their body.

It is actually very abnormal for one to leave the world with a ton of suffering. Within our bodies, we have a beautiful exit strategy that happens quite naturally and efficiently toward the levels of pleasure and release.

The closest thing I can relate it to is a sexual orgasm one receives at the height of their sexual experience, either masturbating or with a partner. There is a build-up, and then a pleasurable feeling, then a huge release. For some people, after the release, there isn’t much movement after the release, but a peace still persists. For others, such as myself, it looks almost as if I’ve been electrocuted, as my body moves in a rhythmic movement similar to a sine or cosine wave pattern. 

I think it has to do with the amount of energetic release throughout my body. Based on how many energy centers linked along the spine are cleared, you will experience a bigger pulsation of this kundalini energy. If there are a lot of blockages along the spine as one goes up, then you probably won’t experience any pulsation movements happening outside of your control.

But see, there is a major similarity between the two, especially for those with more energy centers that are open and free, that act like a highway for the kundalini energy at the base of the spine to move upward. When one has that open highway, that kundalini energy can rise all the way to the pineal gland and activate a chemical within it called “DMT.”

When you die, similarly, that DMT is activated and a ton of it is released. If anyone has felt the release of DMT that is naturally made in the body, they know how it is a natural hallucinogenic chemical that feels very, very good. Not only that, but time and space start to feel differently. 

I was giving an Uber ride to a man who was into snowboarding on very dangerous slopes. He told me there was a point where he truly thought he was going to die while snowboarding, and his experience aligned with what happens when DMT is released. He mentioned how time felt like it slowed down, he saw all his loved ones appear before him, and he felt a sort of pleasurable ecstasy.

He ended up not dying from hitting the tree, but told me he will never forget that release of DMT. What was interesting to note is the DMT was released BEFORE he even hit the tree. It’s like, somehow, he sent signals to his body that he was preparing to leave his body, as in die, and his body responded with the DMT to make it a pleasurable experience. When he didn’t leave his body permanently, he was still left with that experience.

The natural way we were meant to die was not through the failure of the immune system to fight off diseases, viruses, or cancer. It wasn’t supposed to be through firearms and wars. It’s supposed to be a personal choice that one knows, deep down, it’s time to go. Could people, perhaps of lower levels of consciousness, pick more drastic ways to go before they come to earth? Sure. But my argument is it’s still abnormal and not how it was intended from the start. The most natural way to die is supposed to be almost like an acknowledgment with your body about your body. It’s a subtle, intuitive knowing that it’s time to go, and honoring that.

Many with higher levels of consciousness choose their favorite way to leave their body, in a peaceful manner, not one sparked with pain and suffering, but rather with acceptance. Many still may experience some sort of quick pain, kind of like a bandage hurting for a few seconds and then stopping, but those who are even more aware can leave their bodies before any pain even arrives. They are able to literally eject themselves out of their body, using the kundalini energy almost as a springboard for that ejection. The DMT chemical acts as an agent to help one detach from the physical and continue on to the other dimensions that are not normally seeable with the human eye but very much still exist.

To us on Earth, who are very much geared toward using our human eyes and equating physical life as “reality,” it might feel like these other dimensions that are not seeable with our human eyes are not as “real,” but they most definitely are. They simply reside on frequencies that our eyes are not fixated to interpret and see. If they were, and we could all, throughout the day, have our attention split between dimensions, it would be hectic and very hard to operate as a human.

I think those who are schizophrenic are people who deal with that issue, where they have dimensions leak into this physical reality, creating confusion and what seems to be hallucinations, but could very well be other realities that normally humans aren’t geared to see. One physical reality is way more than enough. Imagine juggling multiple realities; that would be too much for most of us, but yet people learn to do it who have schizophrenia.

I write all this to encourage you not to fear death. The beautiful thing is, you can make it whatever you would like to make it. It can be startling, beautiful, or a disaster. You can decide, with your free will, how you leave this earth, just as you decided how and when you would enter it. Because that’s the beauty of free will: it has always been and will be your choice. 

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Entry 2,525 - August 5

I feel as if, after raising my frequency through intense meditation, the grounding aspect afterwards is the toughest part.

It feels almost as if the grounding portion of it takes the longest. Many people can make their frequency rise very high with drugs or go very low with the day-after effects of drugs, or even social media, but many are not able to retain those high states for long. There’s a sort of crashing period that entails because they don’t have the expertise to retain it.

When you raise your frequency synthetically through drugs, there is no grounding process, because whether you realize it or not, you are merely there for the rush. If you were to actually ground that high frequency and make it your own, that would become the goal you would strive toward until you laugh and realize it was always here and now. 

But part of the illusion, (and fun), is the grounding phase. Even though I find it arduous at times, I appreciate and love the journey of grounding each next level or extra band of frequency I add to my particular instrument called “Ky.”

It’s so interesting going through the process. It’s almost like how a spider adds more web to her overall spider web. If we were to visualize people’s personalities as webs, there are some who have maybe only one strand to their web, while others are very clear with expressing their multidimensional nature with an elaborate amount of webs. There is a connection between one’s flexibility in personality and one’s inflexibility.

Those who are flexible, being able to choose here and now what personality traits they wish to choose from rather than automatically reacting based off of a preset personality that was developed during their childhood to survive, one finds fantastic fun in that level of awareness and freedom to control oneself.

Before, it may have felt like one was on autopilot, or very predictable, or very programmed in a set of ways. But afterward, people may describe this person as very present, grounded, and filled with a sense of wonder and mystery. They can be predictable or choose a whole new way to react at any given moment, and you never know what you’re going to get.

They are a fire that cannot be controlled, a way that cannot be plotted. They know who they are deep down, which gives them the freedom to pick and choose ways to interact and react that they find exciting in the present moment. And if it doesn’t work how they intended, they find joy in being able to choose a new subset of responses.