Entry 2,532

Entry 2,532 — August 20

Most Christians stuck in fundamental Christianity, ironically, have no clue what they actually worship. It gives the same energy as someone who judges another person based off their own personal trauma rather than the blueprint of someone’s soul.

This is also why fundamental Christians tend to be more judgmental than atheists and agnostics, because one, their morality code is really fuckin' wack. Read the OT and their morality code. Then read the NT, where they try to make being gay a sin by taking verses out of context and failing, but still enforcing it.

Secondly, they attempt to tie people to the judgments of their own personal trauma and blame it on them rather than taking accountability for identifying people with their own trauma instead of seeing them for why they came to Earth. 

Now, as a 29-year-old who doesn’t often go around shouting from the rooftops “I HAVE AN MUCH MORE POSITIVE PERSPECTIVE, LISTEN TO ME!!!” I oftentimes go unnoticed in this current day and age (August 20, 2025), but I will say I believe people would benefit a lot from hearing the perspective of someone who experiences time cyclically, and feels both dead and alive at the same time, living and also peering at the moment in time as if it were a memory.

Fundamental Christians don’t know who they worship most of the time because they don’t know who they are. That is the fundamental issue with their religion. Most of their doctrines are about this story and that story. Read a Bible. It’s OTHER people’s stories. And the small amount of letters that were supposedly from Paul, Peter, and John are narrowly focused on issues within specific churches. Yes, we can always learn from stories, BUT ultimately people are going to have to learn to jump off the cliff and dive right in.

Believing in God is believing in other people’s stories about God. Knowing God is diving off the cliff and experiencing the story of you and God firsthand. Now, though a majority of Christians are in the kindergarten phase, where they believe in God and are scared to death of God because of all the stories they’ve heard rather than the experiences they’ve had with Him that are truly theirs, there is a select minority of Christians that live in the in-between of believing and knowing, and these Christians tend to overemphasize how they’re “not religious” but rather have a relationship with God… as if not every other religion is built like that — to have a relationship with their god.

But what they’re really trying to tell you in that moment is they know, deep, deep down, that it’s deeper than what their religion says it is, but they’re afraid to explore what that looks like, so they live with this cognitive dissonance: they “aren’t religious” but then go to a physical church four times a week, read a religious text daily, and believe everything their pastor says—which, I hate to burst their bubbles, makes them religious. That isn’t a bad thing; it’s just that we need to get back to being honest with what’s really going on.

Unfortunately, fundamental Christians are filled to the brim with other people’s stories of God from the Bible that cloud and confuse because they, contextually, are so far removed from their lives, it doesn’t always resonate. Flashback to every time I read about circumcision and I genuinely had no clue, contextually and symbolically, how that was connected to what these prophets and apostles were trying to say.

It wasn’t enough to talk about sex and murder all over the Bible. They had to throw in symbolism of dick-slicing to seal the deal. Let’s not forget when “God” was so angry that Abraham didn’t slice his son’s dick like he asked him to, and he was on his way to kill him. Sounds like a very secure and loving father to me, lmao.

I say “slice the dick” because I want us to be honest about the absurdity of these passages. When we just say circumcision, to me, it gives a similar energy to when someone tries to downplay something absurd, and the attempt to downplay it makes it even more absurd. Like when a murderer says they “messed him up a bit,” as in they killed someone, but let’s not use the word to make it seem less worse than it actually is.

Or when a religious fanatic goes and commits genocide and then says, “God commanded us to end unrighteousness in this area. It wasn’t us who wanted to do it. It was God.” As if they were forced to murder a whole nation and then murder and pillage the people because “God said so.” Yeah, right. I call bullshit. 

Back to the topic. The in-between Christians are like the ones who are in the tiny kids' pool on the side. They aren’t stuck at the ledge of the cliff, but they’re also not in the adult water making decisions for themselves. Instead, their pastor, their church, the way the church interprets the Bible makes the decisions for them, and they internalize these decisions as if they came through God, so they are true.

They are somewhat in water, but overall they are still in someone else’s story, being watched by a mommy (religious pastor). They’re still the supporting character, thinking they have a relationship with God but really it’s merely a masterful relationship with religion and who that religion says God is to them.

They are still Manchurian Candidates for religion in the sense of groupthink, being brainwashed to believe what the religion is saying is true, and believing what they are choosing to believe comes from God when it really comes from the religion made around God.

I want to make it clear: this intensity of what I’m saying is mainly applicable to century-old religions that should have been left in the past but, for some reason, haven’t died yet and act like cancer cells, causing massive destruction on the earth, to animals, and to people.

What’s actually happened with these century-old religions, which have been strategically transformed to model scummy multi-level-marketing businesses, is that they have successfully convinced their followers, through deceptive ways, into thinking these are their followers’ own unique beliefs that originate from God himself. Many believe God’s written word is literally somehow connected to the living word, which they believe is Jesus, thus in a way deifying the Bible and making it infallible. Hopefully you can see how this is very troublesome: a book written by man becomes on the same level as God in terms of being infallible. This increases the ability to be brainwashed one hundredfold. 

You see, a unique belief is one that arises from within. A masterful teacher is one that doesn’t shove their spoon of beliefs into your mouth, but creates art, shares it with you, and lets you build your own art from all that they have shared and whatever else you draw inspiration from. Really, God IS art, and you ARE the painter.

It is a big issue that century-old religions confuse the order and switch it by saying God is the painter, you are the art, and, unbeknownst to themselves, simultaneously abort one’s free will until they once again begin critically thinking and go within to create their own art again.

Truly, think how changing just that one belief changes a person’s worldview utterly, dramatically, and intensely. When I did so, it was spectacular. The world became brighter. Colors were more intense. My senses were more keen. I knew there was no one to blame but myself for my mistakes and successes. I stopped with the false humility and congratulating a God outside of me for the beautiful art I created. I stopped blaming the devil and demons for people’s misfortunes or erratic behavior. I was deeply rooted and deeply immovable.

My purpose began to unfold with space to let me still find it, but I was not overpowered by it. Intuition became a part of my critical thinking. My three brains (gut neurons, heart neurons, brain neurons) began to fire together instead of apart. There was symbiosis within my body again. I quite literally forgot to fear the bodily imbalances, as I saw them as a map that was meant to communicate current areas needing improvement rather than a weak body filled with sin, ready to die, evil and good for nothing.

Everything made much more sense, especially because I no longer had to willingly turn off my critical thinking skills in order to conform to a religion that should have died centuries ago. I understood God not from the perspective of these religions made by man, but as art made by humans in the flow state.

Art made by personalities like Seth from Jane Roberts, art made from polymaths, from amazing painters, writers, scientists, and more. I realized that if we’re really getting spiritual, the earth is my religion, but, more true to what it is, the earth is part of my art, as it is part of your art. And within the art we have the opportunity to create and create and create. There are no limits to what we can create besides the limitations we place on ourselves and bind ourselves to.

Now, this perspective I just stated is my own. It may not be yours. That doesn’t make it technically better or worse when we see it as art, but as a portrait of beauty. Century-old religions that somehow still exist now, on the other hand, have this similar energy of that one family member who always ruins the family function in some way. These religions will try to taint it this way or that way. People may even make cults out of these words I’m writing and shun people based on them, completely missing the point that they are doing exactly what Christianity and many other religions have done for centuries. Same meaning, different labels.

What I’m saying could completely fly by most people’s heads and they wouldn’t even know it. They would think, “Oh yeah, I’m for sure the dude on the cliff jumping off right now! Can’t even see where I jumped from because I’m SOOOO midjump — it’s beyond cool,” and then it ends up being that they actually were in the kiddie pool and wouldn’t leave for another 20 years. Can you still make beautiful art in the kiddie pool? Absolutely! If we really want to also look at this perspective with no judgment, then, in ways, the kiddie pool has art that the adult water doesn’t have. 

Think about actual kids for a second. There is a sort of beautiful innocence in children that naturally exists, and I will say that is the same with those people who act like children spiritually. Think about how most of the time, kids grow up learning what their parents believe. They receive inspiration to make their own art predominantly from their family, and especially from their parents or those who act as parents to them. Many of them have this innocence and trust to do so.

Even though they cannot critically think that well, or always be so successful in going within to find their own art, they have this excitement to explore the world of those over them in this new world they call home. They embrace it and build with it. There are some experiences that are so precious as that kid, and as adults we know that once we are adults, it is never the same. It isn’t necessarily better, but it also isn’t necessarily worse. 

There is a level of responsibility one has to accept as an adult, and people who keep blaming everyone else but themselves, don’t take responsibility, act like a child, and won’t understand what I’m saying. But an adult living as an actual adult (not acting as a child still dependent on their aging parents), who can create the connection between being an actual adult and going within and jumping off that cliff — of going from being the supporting character in your family’s life to the main character in your own — they get what I’m saying to some degree: their own experience as an actual adult no longer dependent on their parents for sustenance.

Just like no matter what your parents teach you, you won’t truly know what it’s like to be an adult living on your own, responsible for everything — what you eat, wear, act, your job, your love life, your beliefs — until you get there. Similarly, you won’t understand what the hell this whole written discourse is until you actually jump off the cliff and dive within your very own self and realize there is no end to you, and there never was a beginning. Once you realize, the deeper you dive, the deeper you go. There is no base to place your feet. There is no mommy holding you up with a life vest. There is no family supporting you as you splash your first splashes in water. It’s YOU. You going within you.

There’s a bottomless, infinite pool of you that has no beginning and no ending. The humanity was the fun illusion masquerading that fact, and only as you travel deeper into yourself do you realize you gave yourself that illusion for the fun of it. It wasn’t necessary, nor was it unnecessary. It was joyful and exciting to do, and now reconnecting with that infinite, multidimensional self of yours will be an experience that is also joyful, exciting, and special. Never discount the journey you created. It is your story. It is your most precious art.

It doesn’t make you a person in the kiddie pool if you use stories to expand your art. What keeps people in the kiddie pool is believing those stories are the only truth and letting those stories be seen as reality rather than merely as beliefs, ideas, and thoughts used to create artwork.

See, stepping out of the kiddie pool is when one embraces their multidimensionality. It is where a person is “strong enough” or “capable” to juggle multiple beliefs existing at the same time, without it feeling threatening to their existence or the way they perceive reality. Back in fundamental Christianity, there was one story, and it was taught to us over and over and over again. The story can be found within the Bible: God was lonely. He made the universe. Adam and Eve ate from the apple; now we all suffer from their “sin” and will die unless we believe Jesus Christ is Lord and accept him into our hearts. 

His grace is supposedly free, but the caveat is you have to accept it. So in a way it really isn’t free; it’s like one of those terms and conditions where you thought everyone got it, but then the fundamental Christians throw a twist and say you have to believe in him, or else it’s not free, which, if you really think about it, makes it not free. In that way, they are treating salvation similar to something on the sidewalk with a sign that says “free,” BUT you have to pick it up, as if it were a tangible item stuck within space-time.

But free outside of space-time is contingent on the value of unconditional love, which means it’s yours regardless of if you believe it right at this moment in space-time or in the future. It’s free as in actually free. Something that is free has no boundaries, no constraints. It is what it is. Only humans who are used to ifs, ands, buts, and fine print add in the “BUT you have to believe” to something that already was limitless and freely given before one even knew how to believe. But that’s a side note.

Anyways, we lived in this story of fundamental Christianity as if we were characters of someone else’s creation. We didn’t dare assume there was “another story” outside of what the Bible said there was. We relied on this story to give us that safety and security in knowing there was an afterlife. There was a happy ending, even if it was for a minority; at least God didn’t give up on everyone to hell. For many of us, I think we knew this story was strange, but we accepted it.

How you know you are really out of the kiddie pool is you see beliefs as artwork, not as reality. You can juggle multiple beliefs without it threatening you and your own story. You can allow other people’s stories to coexist with your own, neither one diminishing the other, but rather enhancing it. Instead of everyone being stuck in the same play (all billion Christians who accept the fundamental version of Christianity as fact and all else as false), you accept that there exist multiple plays from multiple playwrights, with some characters in that play, some in the other, and maybe a lot more in another.

You see those plays as beautiful artwork, stories that can expand people if they are led by leaders who are open to their multi-dimensionality and stories with playwrights that have more limitations which create more constraints to play within. Even if the playwrights or leaders within the stories aren’t yet open to their multi-dimensionality, that’s okay too. That’s another experience in itself.

In the adult waters, the earth is not seen as this big, scary world, out of control, destined for doom and gloom. The earth is seen as a sandbox to play in for when it’s here, and destined for rebirth when it’s time for that. Seasons are accepted, not moralized with contingencies based on the idea of sin. There is a whole new level of joy that comes to one when they accept this level of freedom that cannot be extinguished. Once you know, you know. There’s no going back. You can pretend like you don’t remember, but you know it’s all pretend.

Just like for me, I can pretend like I haven’t seen my memories of before me coming to Earth — studying, preparing, talking to the council, working on my blueprint, choosing my family, connections, etc., — but those memories are now a part of me. I now realize I am 100% responsible for my life, and I am grateful for that level of freedom because it means I get to create such beautiful art that originates from myself, which, once again, is infinite, multidimensional, and unfathomably rich. As is everyone else’s.

For some, this realization may take multiple incarnations. If they wanted to or planned to come across these writings, it may be a matter of years or even months. As I (as in Ky) am now permanently connected to my Higher Self, I am doing energy work for everyone who reads my writings. I am constantly adding my own supportive energy to their discovery of this limitlessness in stories, beliefs, etc., their ability to create, and finding joy in their own artwork.

Even though “Ky” planted in physical space-time obviously wouldn’t be able to do energy work only because I have other things to do (consciously sending that energy to all my readers), I am aware that myself beyond my body is doing so and is capable of handling that while also accomplishing more. 

When I tap into what I call “more of me” more consciously, it is frightening in a good way to realize how much more keen, intelligent, and powerful this “more of me” or “Higher Self” is, and how much more capable it is at doing all this. It’s like shifting from first person in Skyrim to third person in a way. I can go back and forth, but with even more minute detail. I could choose to put 80% of my conscious attention on my life here now as Ky — the art I’m creating as Ky — and 20% on my Higher Self.

Or I can choose to put 10% towards Ky and 90% towards my Higher Self, which is trippy and strange because we aren’t normally oriented in that way. But see, I’ve already recognized the limits I came across were set by me. So I removed them, explored more of my consciousness, and came across more of me in ways that are mind-blowing. Anyone can do that. Was it scary at first? Sure! 

Imagine staring at a black hole that is consciously aware of every minutiae brain process going on in your head, filled with power, awe, majesty, and unconditional love for you, with no end. You stare into it, and it stares into you, but somehow it is you, and you are it. I don’t think anyone would ever be the same after that. I still remember when I was on my way to my second 10-day silent retreat after going to my first one about two weeks before, and as I was driving up North Fork, I saw in my third eye “more of me” or my “Higher Self” in the way I just attempted to describe here. It was so glorious.

So beyond anything I could ever comprehend in my human brain, it freaked me the fuck out. And the fact that I couldn’t talk to anyone around me who could understand made me feel isolated. I remember trying to bring up some less frightening experiences at the Ananda Village and being politely told to keep them to myself, or else people would compare theirs to mine and it could create jealousy. Out of every group I’ve explored thus far, I assumed they would have been the most open to it, but that was not the case.

This is why I think most of the time ascended masters tend to create their own plays rather than work their way up through someone else’s play and then make a difference. It’s less efficient because you have to move through a myriad of people who think they “know more than you do” but aren’t even in touch with their Higher Self. It’s a lot of rubbing your forehead at the idea of who let this person lead a bunch of people? Who thought this was a good idea? Then on top of that drama, people climbing up for power, conflicting “play ideas,” and energy wasted on stupidity rather than on creating more artwork.

Many of the followers of Ananda are, unfortunately, unable to see that I’m already seeing multi-dimensionally from the perspective of my Higher Self, and that isn’t something to make people jealous of but rather to inspire them. Just me sharing this is a pathway for my Higher Self to impact people positively in ways that my Ky brain could not fathom, but I know, deep within, is still happening. The fact that those at the Ananda Village are not able to pick that up is proof enough that they are still in the kiddie pool, in someone else’s story, someone else’s play, which is fine.

Although yes, Yogananda’s play is MUCH more expansive than fundamental Christianity… like we’re talking fundamental Christianity would be kindergarten, and Yogananda is more like graduate school in terms of expansion and limitlessness. However, I’ve still come across that many of the followers are still in the in-between, where they bounce back and forth from believing and knowing God. This was also years ago, so perhaps it has changed, but that was my experience when I stayed with them in their center for a month.

I still don’t understand why there are not more people in that movement who are experiencing their “kundalini awakening” or what I like to call their “death day.” I mean, literally, Yogananda maps out the process quite directly, but then again I think all the jumbly goop from the followers around it creates confusion that gets people stuck in the in-between.

Somehow followers who should most definitely NOT be leaders end up becoming leaders of the movements when the ascended masters die, and then the whole thing regresses substantially based on the consciousness of that follower who now is the leader, interpreting the ascended master’s teachings through his own filter, which is most definitely not multi-dimensional yet. How the hell is a leader supposed to lead other people through their own “death days” if they haven’t even gone through it themselves?!?

It’s the equivalent of a person trying to teach adults tennis when they’re a little better than a beginner at it. Maybe someone who has never played tennis can’t pick up that they’re really not that good, but an expert player like Serena Williams would be like, “Are you kidding me?” Similarly, I can tell they don’t know what the hell they’re talking about because the filter is not reaching into their Higher Self. I bet they don’t even know where it is, because they haven’t even discovered it!

That’s the issue with so many of these plays, or these beautiful artworks originally started by ascended masters. Once they die, it goes from Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh to a three-year-old painting a bunch of blobs everywhere for stars. And then all these susceptible people, who don’t know any better because they’re even further away from their multidimensional self than the leader, assume he is right on track in following the ascended master when he’s actually painting blobs that are so far off left field it’s embarrassing. 

I seek to solve this issue by actually staying a very long time on planet Earth and watching my play as a hawk would watch their new little birdies born. Every day I try new ways to bring people to conscious awareness of their multi-dimensionality, to get them closer to their “death day,” and to help them find the joy in creating their own artwork again. And it’s okay if they create artwork within a family, within a play, within a group that they feel comfortable with, whether that be mine or someone else’s or their own. And it’s also okay if they don’t.

From a bird’s-eye view, there’s no right or wrong, better or worse—rather merely a different experience. I find such joy in creating the art I do, and I find joy in helping people become inspired by my artwork, learn from it, grow from it, and do what they want with it. If they want to stay and create more artwork within my play, great. Have at it. If they are inspired and want to “join another family” or “another play,” then yes, be my guest.

You literally know what’s best for you, deep down, so follow that. They can hop in this play I created and they can hop out. I have no desire to convince people that my play is “better for everyone” or that if they don’t “believe in it, they’ll go to a lesser place.” That’s fucking dumb, lol.

I feel very close to the octopus that when it is born, its mother dies and it has to teach itself how to survive in that strange, watery world by itself. Yes, I certainly feel equipped to do so, similar to an octopus with its nine hearts and three brains, with the ability to turn genes on and off at its will, equipped with the intelligence to survive and to teach itself on its own, but I can’t help but yearn for that physical teacher.

All my teachers who are way more advanced than me in their multidimensionality are not on this physical plane. And don’t get me wrong, they’re great and wonderful, but it definitely makes me feel lonely at times, trying to figure out experiences without any guidance from someone who went through it years ago.

But on the bright side, it forces me to go so deep within that I know there is no other option. I know I have to do this, not only for me, but for everyone. I may be the octopus with no ascended-master teacher decades in front of me to guide me along, but I can be that for others who really need it, and that’s enough for me. It makes it worth it.

I’ve met people at similar levels of ascended mastery years ago. It took me a while to understand their framework of conceptualizing reality, their beliefs, their art, but now, years later, I can “inner-stand it” much more easily.

For example, I remember one time when I was driving and my friend was explaining her “ascended mastery trial” that she had to go through. I was like, wow, that seems a lot. It seemed so different than my own, and so I thought I still had to go through something more similar to what she was describing. But then she was like, “Yo dude, you are clearly already an ascended master,” which shocked me, because I didn’t even yet understand all that happened to me — the death day I experienced, how my experiences are now multi-dimensional, and all that — and by her sharing her recent trial, it woke something up within me and reminded me.

When it would come up, I would push it down and assume it was arrogance. Especially growing up in fundamental Christianity, putting myself on the same level as ascended masters would be very blasphemous and an easy way to get the boot out of a fundamental Christian church, and I was still working through accepting it. But having her see me as I was, not through the filter of trauma, helped me feel comfortable with my calling.

I also remember her explaining her own “death day,” or when she experienced her “kundalini awakening,” and her framework and the way she created art was so foreign and different from mine. I literally now realized what she meant, which happens to be years later, as I can juggle more frameworks and innerstand them through my Higher Self in a more efficient and expansive way. I remember her saying she “married God,” and I knew it was significant, but I had absolutely no clue what she meant by that.

See, the frameworks I utilize are words that were completely different. How I would explain experiencing one’s “kundalini awakening” is I would call it a “death day,” and the effects of what she would call her “kundalini awakening” from her perspective was “marrying God.” From my framework, the effects of experiencing one’s “death day” is “merging with my Higher Self or future self.” I normally choose to say Higher Self, though, because it puts the self billions of years ahead of me rather than focused on the me still in this body in the future.

When I think of my future self, I think of me still in the Ky body at some particular age. This is largely since I interact on a daily basis with my future self that is still in the “Ky body,” so just the words “Higher Self” helps me stay inclusive as well as go beyond it. If I didn’t work so much with my “future self,” as in the Ky that is still in this body but much older, I probably would use it more easily, but like I said, it just helps me. That is part of my own artwork, my own framework, and that makes sense to me.

Someone else might have a completely different framework than my friend and me, and that is beautiful and just as valid. Other times, it just makes it easier to talk to other people about people. For example, if I say I experienced my kundalini awakening to someone, even if they aren’t into Hinduism or New Ageism, they’ve probably heard the phrase before and connect some dots together.

So if in the future many people were using “death day” and “merging with one’s Higher Self” or “being permanently connected to one’s future self,” then that might be a way to connect to people and dive deeper together through artwork that they value and enjoy. Just like Christian terms create a space for people to potentially dive deeper, if both sides are open to it, they have an agreed-upon framework to explore more, if they’re not afraid to do so and are encouraged by their leaders.